Optimism

Don't worry, things will look up. Every cloud has a silver lining, after all. It seems it is ever so necessary for me to be optimistic and to have hope because I center my belief system around a good God, after all. So, that's exactly what I've done. I've consistently convinced myself that my pessimism is somehow invalid, that there is a silver lining around that rain cloud. But should I really stay around even after such a long period of disappointment? Am I somehow fulfilling some obligation I have to God by convincing myself that the sum total of what I perceive on a regular basis to be wrong?

At this point, I (finally) can say and do say "no". But don't get me wrong. It's not as drastic as a 180 degree turn. Surely, there is room and, perhaps, a necessity for the pessimist to reevaluate where he is right now but I would say the corollary is also true. I think my case is that I've just been trying to be too optimistic.

Perhaps, there is validity in pessimism. I mean the reality of a situation is always sandwiched somewhere along the continuum of the situation as it is and my (flawed) interpretation of it. The point is, maybe I shouldn't always categorize my disappointment as being due to my interpretation.

Learning to believe, again

Well, no surprise. I'm not always that fond of CCF large group meetings. And this recurring aversion really came around to bug me for the past few weeks. The fact of the matter is.. I don't like mingling. I don't like having to meet someone, talk about something completely irrelevant, and then moving on to rinse and repeat with someone else. And I fully accept that this type of attitude will ostracize me to some degree, especially in the large group setting. And, I'd be ok with that, as long as that's not where it ends. For the past few weeks, however, that is where it ended. I've just been having trouble connecting to people. I haven't been able to meet someone new and really form a bond with them. And, since that's what the past few weeks have been, it's been a little discouraging, to say the least.

I wasn't going to go tonight. Luckily (although perhaps I really never had any intention of staying home), I ended up going. Well, large group itself was terribly underwhelming. All that "mingling" time.. yeah I'm good.. I'd prefer Guild Wars any day. And I literally stepped out like three times hoping that it would end when I came back. As much as I'm ragging on it, I've gotta say that the choir did an amazing job, as always, the sharing was very heartfelt, and the Johnson was Johnson, as always.

But beyond the scheduled events from that night, I learned or, more aptly, I was reminded of something drastically important. That, even though I may not mesh well with the vast majority of CCF, I do have a few great friends there. I also learned that there are people that I may not know too well but can mesh with anyway. Maybe I was being a little too pessimistic. Well, in all reality, it's my last year anyway. Why not stay in, I already gave it 2 years. I'm sure the grass ain't greener anywhere else.

And, worst case, I'll just bail and play Guild Wars outside ;).

Way of Awkward #1

"The server looks like she's having a hard time putting the food down." someone observed.

"Yeah, the lazy Susan's just too big." I quipped with earnestness.

Across the table, Susan was not amused.